I always fear I feel this way too. I can never tell whether I’m feeling a genuine disconnect, or just some reservation on my part, or just general cognitive dissonance.
sometimes I worry that regardless of how close I get to people, I’m always slightly disconnected. like no matter how hard I try to be part of something, I spend too much time lost in my own world to ever really be present. I mean I truly love my friends and there are those fortunate few with whom I feel connected, but there’s something missing. I don’t quite know how to explain it. it’s just a feeling.